The futility of it all.

At the wedding the other night they sat me right next to this guy who's dating the girl i spend most days daydreaming about. Talking to him politely and amicably felt like i was selling myself out. I would have preferred to thrash him around intellectually and make him feel small and insignificant but instead i asked him about his work and joked with him about the groom's family. I actually had a pretty pleasant time at the wedding all things considered. I talked to Stan about manufacturing personalities we can be proud of, being honest while also being funny and our ongoing struggles with self-confidence. When I was leaving I made the awful mistake of hugging the girl whose beauty and charm haunts my sleep. She looked at me sort of apologetically and hugged me lovingly, I rested my head sadly against her neck and felt the warmth of her body against mine.