I don’t have anything to do at work and I sit in a really high traffic spot. So, everyone can see I’m not doing much of anything all day. Today I drew uninspired doodles of anxious people on post its. If they’re not gonna give me any work to do they at least could have stuck me in a cubicle. Then at least I could pretend I was busy, but no, I’m right in the middle of all the action. Everyone else has work to do so they’re all pretty unreceptive to my weird jokes. The lack of affirmation makes me resort to ever-more childish antics until I end up embarrassed. Then I sit there silently listening to Adam Carolla on my Ipod, I like that guy a lot, I tend to enjoy the loudmouth-types, the ones who say audacious things without feeling any shame. I like Adam Carolla, John Kricfalusi, and Ben Weasel; I live vicariously thru their self-assuredness. I daydreamed a lot today about having magical power over 18 year old girls, they would be defenseless against my charms for the entirety of their eighteenth year. The day they turned 19 though my spell would be over and they’d be left to decide for themselves: is this guy worth a damn or have I lost my mind? I imagine it would be sad as hell ‘cuz invariably they’d all leave me after I’d grown attached. Until one day maybe one of them would stay on for her nineteenth year, of her own free will no less. What a treat that would be and then her twentieth, twenty first and twenty second years would follow with any luck. If this failed to happen at least I could continue spending my days and years in the company of charming young women at the doorstep to adulthood. Oh people would talk, they’d say, “that creepy old buzzard has some kind of a scam going, he’s not charming, handsome or even polite.” Let them talk I’d say, the men would all be jealous and the girls would all scornfully mock and pity me, but what a life I’d lead! As years progressed and my body grew tired and old, I’d yearn for the girl who'd love me past her magic-induced year of devotion. I’d have less and less in common with the youth and one day I would die, essentially alone save for a beautiful young girl I’d known for less than a year.