I don’t care what anybody says, Andrew Sugarman is a true genius. Such a genius in fact, that I’m more than a little hesitant to embark on this story about him for fear that, not only will my fictionalized version of him fail to live up to his real life genius, but that I’ll also end up having created a disgustingly clichéd version of genius indeed.
Ignoring my levelheaded concerns about my limitations as a writer, I guess the place to start this story is with Andrew Sugarman driving down Main Street on his way to the Grocery store where he works 14 hours a week. Andrew has worked here for 6 years and has refused every opportunity given to him to advance within the company. Some might believe this tendency of Andrew’s to be ambitionless and lazy but I’m more inclined to believe Andrew just has better things to concern himself with than money. Like right now for instance, Andrew is concerning himself with the piece of lettuce stuck between his teeth. It’s important to note here that Andrew is typically a very cautious driver and his distractedly digging around in his molars for lettuce is very much uncharacteristic; in fact, I’d say it’s indeed indicative of some really big shifts going on in his head, shifts that Andrew himself may not yet be aware of.
Which brings us to David James; David James isn’t so much a genius. My apologies to David but I’m sure he’d be the first to agree he’s not Nobel Prize material. He is however a genuinely good person with good opinions and a great ability to get along with people from all walks of life. Right now David is late for work, he’s riding his new bike on his way to his new job. David’s never been the kind of person to think too far ahead in life, but right now he and his wife Carmen have a baby on the way and this is something he can no longer keep ignoring.
There are a lot of things David still wants to do with his life; just the other night he got in a fight with Carmen because she found a very revealing list he’d written detailing his many outlandish aspirations. Particularly noteworthy to Carmen were David’s desires to visit a brothel in Amsterdam and to compete in a mixed martial arts tournament (that’s the kind of fighting where there are essentially no rules and its participants invariably end up with cauliflower for ears.) David did his best to defend his secret desires as mere musings but Carmen left the argument feeling her baby may end up with a father who isn’t through being a child.
In the back of David’s head he knows this is true, he loves Carmen dearly, passionately and without reservation but he’s felt this way about quite a few women. There was the lovely miss Robin Kraft who David was madly in love with and who after a year of enthusiastic fornication declared abruptly that she was much keener on sex with girls, this left David shattered; there was Eleanor O’Connor who David used to call Ellie O., she was just a phenomenal girl who people used to tell David was, “way too young for him” and was, “self destructive and manipulative.” These comments never seemed to faze David much; he’s never cared what other people have thought of his girlfriends. In fact it’s the one area in which David has always been free from other people’s negativity; that is to say David has always known what his heart feels and no amount of nay saying from close buds and family members alike is probable to change his mind about anyone.
So anyway, here we are with genius Andrew plowing down Main Street in his mom’s Volvo while digging for lettuce in his molars; and, all around good guy David James questioning every aspect of his life riding his bike along 4th avenue. If you are an attentive reader you might well be able to predict what’s going to happen next; here’s a clue: it involves a screeching rubber noise and then a loud thud not unlike the sound of a melon being hit with a sledge hammer. That’s right; the always watchful and careful Andrew Sugarman has smote someone with his large, brick shaped Swedish car. Andrew’s internal dialogue at this point is quite hilarious and neurotic; you’re just going to have to believe me though because I’m not a mind reader, nor am I a writer who’s up to the task of writing genius. I can deduce however from having spent many hours in the company of genius, that his thinking right now is somewhere between disgust at the fragility of the human body and profound regret for having caused a fellow creature pain.
The day is crisp, it’s one of those fall days when you can smell the cold; or maybe it’s just dry leaves and fireworks you smell but it’s quite complimentary to the cold regardless. David James is splayed awkwardly on the dark-colored, solid, bituminous substance more commonly referred to as asphalt and Andrew is standing above him, cursing the fact he put off taking that first aid class for too long. Nearby, David’s bike resembles a pretzel. “Are you alright buddy?” says Andrew regretting his choice of words but satisfied with his friendly tone. “Do you think anything’s broken?” Asks Andrew hesitantly; he’s overwhelmingly aware of how David’s clutching his right leg. “My leg feels pretty bad, I think it might be broken.” This was the news Andrew had been dreading, “well the hospital's just a couple of blocks from here, if we can get you into my car it’s probably faster than waiting for an ambulance.”
The ride to the hospital is silent. It’s really what isn’t said in these kinds of situations that’s important anyhow; it’s like when you take a cab and you wonder if it’s really worth asking the driver about his life, or if you should just sit there in silent acknowledgement of your coexistence. Things Andrew can tell about David just by looking at him: he’s not overly concerned with the way he dresses; Andrew sees this as a positive, in fact David’s pretension-free Velcro shoes are akin to a badge of honor as far as Andrew’s concerned. He can also tell that hygiene isn’t a huge concern of David’s, Andrew’s no prig but he believes that one should -at the very least- give open wounds a small amount of concern; David however, not only seems casual about his injuries, but also blissfully unaware that he’s smearing blood from his arm all over the upholstery of Andrew’s mom’s car.
As they pull up to the emergency entrance of the hospital, Andrew scans the area for someone that looks qualified to help them.
I really want to end this story with some kind of catharsis on Andrew’s part. I want Andrew to really have felt something significant about life or love and I want David to have been the one that delivered the message. Unfortunately, life lessons aren’t really the kind of thing you can plan for. As a writer you can hope that by placing two such dynamic characters in a situation together that life living will ensue; you can even manipulate and man-handle the situation to really force a certain conclusion out of a character. But in the end, fictional characters are a lot like real characters; that is to say, you can’t really predict when life is going to slap them in the face. Sorry to have wasted your time.
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